Breather

It's known that the average employee gains about 5-10 pounds during the holiday season. That's due to all additional festive tempting treats that are available to dull bored employee during the 9 day workday. Chocolate-covered morsels, baked goodies and leftovers from department pot-lucks are in abundance. It's a lesson in psychology,sociology and economics that's self-contained in every office.

Hence, my reaction to one of my co-workers chopping down on the world's biggest potato chip. It was bigger than his hand and he literally had to break down the crispy crunchy little piece of heaven before proceeding to devour to before my hungry eyes. The supply? A carpool info session on the 23rd floor. I was on the 17th floor. 6 floors separated me from my delicable delights. Another co-worker and I decided to head upstairs, nodding and asking questions on my possible options for tranportation in comatose fashion brought on by my utter happiness...

We step on the elevator, and the something's awry.

"Are we moving" said my hungry co-worker.

"Dunno... I don't feel it", I responded.

"I don't see the light that tells what floor we're on"

"I hear some noises..."

I jump up and down, but to no avail. If I had my prior poundage, I could have sent this metal box to the ground. Damn that diet Pepsi. This is the first time I've ever been stuck in an elevator and the walls are quickly closing in on me... I've felt this doom before and have panicked and pushed the red button. Good God... I might have to eat him to stay alive. His ears will make replacament potato chips. But I try the "Talk" button before planning my meal.

"This is security... How can I help you?"

"We're on an elevator and it's not moving. We've tried pushing most of the buttons and nothing's happening."

"What floor are you on?"

"I don't know, the door's closed." (anybody else think that was a dumb question?)

"Okay, we'll contact the engineers. Please wait and thank you for your patience."

"Ray? You believe this? I've never been in stuck in an elevator."

"Yeah, me either..."

"This reminds me of Speed. You could get pretty claustrophobic...."

We just pass the time making small talk until we get an update.

"This is security. What floor are you on?"

"I don't know. We got on the 17th floor, but we're stuck now, so I have no idea."

"We've contacted the engineers. They'll be here shortly. Thank you for your patience."

"Ray... you happy with your life?"

"Eh... could be better... I've felt..."

We talk for another 10 minutes.

"This is security. We've contacted the engineers. Thank you for your patience."

This goes on for another 20 minutes. In the midst of talking about life and the things that we never exchange in the spaces between our cubicles, we're interrupted by the repetitive assurances of the unknown security guard. We finally get out and I've come to three conclusions.

• Potato chips can get you in big trouble.
• I ignore or deny real interactions with the people I work with. Life seems more filled w/ doing and checking things off instead of investing and building.
• After getting out, I went up to get my damn chips. That's at least a good hour that I was gone. Nobody noticed. :)